Buseko Timber and Grass Co-Operative Society. It sounds so genteel.

We commissioned a nice metal artist fellow named Benson to make some shelf brackets for us. We decided we would go with brackets and boards to take care of our excess of books. He delivered the brackets late last week and they look quite nice. It's just a L-shaped deal with a curlicue connecting the sides of the L. So now all we need is boards. I was going to just cut up our shipping crates but the boards are too thin so I decided to just go shopping for some nice local wood. So this was the adventure of the day.
Benson took me to a lumber shop in the Light Industrial area of town but all they had was particle board, plywood and the like. Not bad, but it was pricey and not really what I had hoped for. Word on the street is that you can get nice hardwoods for cheap around town. So Benson suggested we just head down the street to Buseko Market. Not knowing any better, I agreed. Immediately upon pulling in we were surrounded. Benson said, "I've never gotten this much attention." As I looked around at what can loosely be described as a five acre open air lumber yard, I didn't see one white face. There were people moving everywhere though. Guys pushing huge logs on little carts, a small boy running an electric planer, women selling candy, nuts and plastic pouches of brandy and this crowd of guys all eager to cash in on the muzungu (white person) who had just dropped into their midst.
We did our best to just focus in on the lumber that interested us. As we found some nice looking boards and we were looking them over, one guy from the crowd came forward to talk price with us. The price he quoted per board (170,000 kwacha) was so outrageous that I told Benson we should just go and he should come back without me. I told the guy we would pay 40,000 per board and no more and we as we were driving off the guy running along side says 50,000, so we stopped and the deal was on.
Of course you can't just buy boards. You have to have them planed and cut to size and sanded. That costs extra. You also need a guy to carry the wood around to all of these stations. So, we contracted for all of those services. It took about 2 hours to get the boards all prepared. Meanwhile, the guys who sold me the boards are pumping me for more money. After arguing with them for something like 20 minutes me saying "a deal's a deal" and them telling me about the thousands of kilometers they had to travel, braving wild animals and the outrageous price of deisel, I decided to just have fun with them because I didn't have anywhere else to go. I asked them about the animals they faced, the best way to survive a crocodile attack (forget it), the taste of lizards, snakes and grubs (chicken, chicken, corn), poaching buffalo, what they think of the US (everyone is rich, even the poor people), what they think of Indian people (they are cheap, i.e. they know better than to pay muzungu price), how to say good afternoon in Nyanja and many other topics. We had a lot of fun there amidst the power saws and sanders, mountains of wood shavings, teeming humanity and swirling saw dust.
Getting out of there was a bit of a trip. First we had to get change so we could pay the guy 4,000 kwacha to open the gate. Then we had to buy a rope to tie down the boards and while we were out of the truck doing that Benson accidentally locked his keys in it. Somebody said "keys locked in car?" We said "yes" and this produced a crowd of guys all poking at the doors in a race to get the truck open for us. In the end a polio survivor on crutches won the race in about 45 seconds. Nobody actually saw him do it but he got the passenger side door open just like that and instantly demanded 10,000 kwacha, which I gladly paid.
Though I imagine just knowing I was there would have given the embassy security officer fits, the only trouble we had was with the guy who did the sanding for us. He turned out to be a crook and demanded double the negotiated fee to release the boards to us. We fought with him for a while and gathered another crowd. As the light started to change towards the end of the day though, I opted for safety at the expense of justice and gave the guy an extra 50,000 kwacha to scram, which he thankfully did.
At the end of the day I came home with some gorgeous, if somewhat unprofessionally prepared, boards to grace our shelf brackets. I don't think Benson will ever take another muzungu client with him to the lumberyard, but while they will likely get their boards cheaper, that will be the clients' loss. Once again, no camera, alas.